Chapter One of The Floor you Cant Fall Below

Winter blew in fast this year. Only the intense coldness prospered, it's bitter breeze, and it's intricate paths. The breeze had knocked on the door, blown away the key, and locked me out. I never imagined the day would come. Not anytime soon. But it did come.The day my heart would allow the winters bitter breeze to take the key to my heart and blow it away; the day I need it most. I often find myself wondering why; why the wind chose me, my life, and this day to take my key.
After the loss of my key, one would say I made it my internal obsession to find the who and the why, for I found it to be relatively impossible to salvage whatever was left of my life into anything good. Many people find my obsession to be pointless. I always tell them, if they had gone through what I have and soon after had their key swept away with the simple sweep of a winters breeze, they too would be like me; this to them wouldn't even be enough.
I recently learned something in school that held my interest and fed my internal obsession. Hades, the Greek God of the Underworld, is to blame for the depressing cold days I'm living in. They tell us he kidnapped Persephone and brought her down to his kingdom to announce herself as his queen. That Persephone's mother grew saddened at the loss of her daughter, having to remain in the Underworld for 1/3 of the year, after being deceived into eating one of Hades pomegranates. Legend has it, as I've been told, that the three months of winter is the time of year Persephone's mother is depressed, missing her daughter; but when she comes back for the rest of the year, to be with her mother, it results in a flowers bloom and the shining rays of the sun.
The bags under my eyes grow darker at each passing day. I've found it to be the result of my dreams. Memories of my tragic times in the past year. The death of my dog. I hate the way that sounds, so insignificant, so surreal. His name was Tobi, and he held a nice resemblance to Todo from The Wizard of Oz. His fur was a pale white, with a tan stripe along the middle of his back that faded into the whiteness perfectly. His eyes were dark drown and relatively large. His nose was black and his whiskers short. Tobi was a bit overweight, which made him all the more adorable. His walk was that of a penguin, shifting the weight from one side to the other with each proceeding step. On his belly sat black spots, I like to think of them as freckles or birth marks. To me, this made him real. This made him to be more than some house pet, only living with us to entertain us on those boring days. Only to make us feel as if we've fulfilled our good deed in life by making his life a step better than it could have been otherwise. (When we bought him from the pet store, I was 2 and he was 1, Tobi was sick with ammonia and would have died if it weren't for us.)
Throughout my childhood, and his, we went through everything together. Bad times, like the divorce of mom and dad, to good times, like camping trips to Yogi Bear Jelly Stone Park up in Door County, Wisconsin. So many memories. I never thought such happy days would lead to such painful nights. The memories remain, enthralled in my head. At night, or even when I merely shut me eyes, visions of such memories flash before me. It often feels as if I’m watching a movie, being showed on the inside of my eyelids, for me alone to see.

There I sat, cross legged on my pee stained floor, rummaging through an old suitcase. I removed a small, light brown stuffed dog from the largest pocket. I had gotten it from Wal-Mart a few months after my sister received the same dog for her birthday. I held it close to my chest and hugged it, smelling the old scent of my life. A life I lived, always wishing for more, something better that what I had. A life where Dad was at home cooking dinner each night instead of stuck in a hospital bed, still recovering from numerous surgeries he had encountered in the past few months. I sit cross legged on my pee stained floor, beside my bed. A knock on my door sucks my back into reality.
“Hey...can’t sleep either,” came the quiet voice of my older sister, Crystal, as she slowly walked into my room and sat on my bed, feet hanging off the side. “Nope,” I reply as I stand, stuffed dog still in hand, and sit on the other side of the bed, Tobi sitting between us both.
Crystal has a reddish colored hair, with blond highlights and brown spots emerging at the roots. Her hair is cut short, falling right along her chin, and a few shorter strands falling across her face. Her skin, a pale brown and eyes as deep as mahogany wood. She is 16 years old, two years older than me, and stood about five-foot-four off the ground, and still appeared to be short. She sat on my bed wearing a faded blue pair of pajama pants with purple flowers spread across the fabric and a loose fitting red t-shirt.
“I figure it’s just school nerves, though...I’m not even nervous, it’s only my third year going to this school!”
“Meh, I don't know. I’m not really nervous anymore. I don't care. What’s the worst that can happen,” I shrug and begin stroking Tobi’s back, while Crystal rubs his stomach.
“Hey, Crys, Tobi’s been breathing kind of funny lately..listen,” I said to her. At first I didn’t intend to even mention it, but I figured why not? We had nothing else to say, and neither of us could sleep anyway. This comment led to a few more minutes of silence as she listened to his breathing. I laid by head gently on his stomach to listen a little more closely. His heart was beating faster than normal and he was panting, as if thirsty. Without another word, I stood and retrieved Tobi some water from the kitchen. When I brought it back to him, I set it beside him on my bed and let him drink. He gulped down most of the water that lay in the bowl. When he was done, I set the bowl beside my bed, and as I sat back up I started stroking his back again.
A few minutes pass in silence, with each of us petting Tobi and thinking of the day staring ahead of us. Thinking the only thing we’d endure today would be a few awkward moments of first-day-of-school-jitters. Soon enough, Crystal stood, got a drink from the fridge and went back into her room to try and get a few hours of sleep before school.
I got a drink, then laid back in bed with Tobi and tried to sleep, or at least rest. Still though, I was tossing and turning. I ended up lying on my stomach with my legs open and Tobi laying between them, his head resting on my calf. Within the hour, I was half asleep, but grew uncomfortable. I slid my leg across the bottom of the bed and rolled over to lay on my back. After a few minutes, I realized when I swept my leg across the bed, I had felt something wet. My first intent was to ignore it because I was finally beginning to drift off to sleep and I dreaded the thought of ruining that, but after a second thought, I got out of bed and switched the light on. The brightness burned my eyes as the light flooded into my dark adjusted lids.
I looked down at my bed to find a large wet spot where Tobi was laying an hour prior to this. I ran out of my room and into Crystal’s. Horrible thoughts ran through my head.
“Crystal, I think Tobi peed in my bed...come look,” she rushed out of bed, since Tobi hadn’t peed or pooped in the house for years.
When she got to my room, she told me that when a dogs bladder breaks it usually means they will die. She paused a second to listen to his breathing again. As she soon found, he was still breathing oddly. He slowly stood on the bed, but fell right back down into a laying position. He looked up at me with sad and helpless eyes, then stood again and got ready to jump off the bed. I don't like him jumping because he has weak legs and my floor is slippery, so I wrapped one arm under his belly and my other under his butt; I picked him up and set him down gently on the floor. When he got to the ground, he plopped right down with his legs spread flat. His breathing was still off and at this point he was struggling to stand up. Tears formed in my eyes as I looked at him; I soon broke into sobs. A feeling of fear and sadness rested in my gut. Between sobs, I asked Crystal what we should do. Her eyes grew watery as she stared at him, she shrugged, but instead of releasing her shoulders, she held them up, as if still thinking.
“Well....we could call mom...” the thought lingered around my room, until I realized she was at work. Nothing else had to be said on that.
I looked around the room, taking in each thing around me. The walls, a dark shade of maroon, covered in charmed posters and two anime wall scrolls; a mirror resting in the center of the wall. Then, I looked to my bed, sitting a few inches from the wall with flowery yellow sheets wet with pee and a white comforter crumpled up at the top. Sitting beside my pillows rested my tan stuffed dog I had retrieved from the suitcase earlier in the night. My eyes shot back to Tobi as he attempted to stand, but again, failed. A tear ran down Crystal’s face, and with that, I knew something was really wrong. I pestered her to get the phone and call Dad, and made it very clear that I didn’t care about the irrelevant rules of the hospital. I didn’t care about the calling hours there, we needed to talk to Dad. She called his cell phone, and after he answered, she explained the situation. Dad told her to be brave, and do what she had to do. They hung up the phone, and Dad called our downstairs neighbor, Dawn.
Dawn was a middle aged woman around the age of fifty who stood about five foot four off the ground. She was overweight and often wore tank tops, which often disgusted me because her arms were twice as big as they normally would have been and had stretch marks spread across her arms right below her pits. She had frizzy white hair that usually rested lightly against her back in a loose pony tail and small brown eyes that were covered by thin glasses.
We had gotten to know Dawn a lot better in the past few weeks. She had been driving us over to visit Dad at the Manner Care Nursing Home and at the Alexian Brothers Hospital. About 15 minutes after Dad and Crystal got off the phone, Dawn came up to our apartment and rummaged through our phone book for a 24 hour animal hospital. I stayed in my room with Tobi, even after Crystal went to help Dawn find one. While I was in my room, I slid on my shoes and my black hoodie.
Crystal and Dawn finally found one, Golf Rose Animal Hospital. Dawn went downstairs and got into her turquoise blue van and waited for us to come down with Tobi. I clipped the green leash onto his collar, then wrapped a blue comforter with yellow stars around him. Before we left, Crystal grabbed the only money we had, $200.00, from our small box in the cabinet. As I walked down the stairs, Crystal followed with the directions to the vet and the money in her pocket.
We got into the van; Crystal first, then me. I handed her Tobi, then took the directions from her and handed them to Dawn. We drove. About 1/4 of the way there, I asked Crystal if I could hold Tobi, since I was still crying, she handed him to me and he laid restlessly in my lap. I whispered quietly to him that it would be okay.
As we drove down the street, things felt wrong. I stared out the window, watching things flash by the window as we passed. Everything felt so incredibly surreal. I had driven down Barrington Road thousands of times with Mom and Dad, even at night before. And even though it was 2:30 AM, things were much more different than they had ever been before. Each light along the side of the street held its own, individual glow. The light of each sign was almost enough to enchant me into another world, as long as it wasn’t the one I was living in now. Eventually, we arrived at the Golf Rose Animal Hospital.
The nurse came and took Tobi into a back room, leaving us to sit in the main room, waiting in silence. As we waited, I walked around and looked at brochures, but something about that place felt eerily familiar. Crystal thought so too, and we soon realized it was the same animal hospital we brought my moms cat, Shiva, where she had to be put to sleep, on Crystal’s birthday.
Yelping noises came from one of the back rooms. I almost ran back there, but Crystal told me to stay put. After about 25 minutes, a nurse came over to us and asked us to follow her into a smaller room where we could fill out paperwork and discuss the situation. Crystal and Dawn sat in the two chairs, I stood and leaned against the wall.
As Crystal filled out all the information of Tobi, the nurse began talking. She looked at Dawn as she did so.
“Your dog has a tumor. Right now, we have him hooked up to a machine to help him breathe. He can’t breathe for himself anymore, so we are breathing for him. We gave him a shot to numb the pain, and,” before she could say another word I glared at her with tear filled eyes and said, “It’s my dog, not hers, so would you please stop looking at her!”
The lady looked a little taken aback, and decided to stop talking. She took the information from Crystal when it was all filled out, and went back into another room. Another ten minutes passed before a different nurse came in. She explained it all again. Crystal looked up at her.
“Would it be in his best interest to be put to sleep,” she asked in a serious tone of voice. The lady glanced at me, then turned back to Crystal and nodded. Now, the tears wouldn't hold anymore. My throat tightened and grew hoarse. I ran out of the room and down a very bland hallway, into a nearby bathroom.
When I came back, I went in the back room where Tobi was and went to see him. I stared at him, lying on his side, tongue hanging out, and hooked up to so many machines. I scanned his body, and rested my gaze on a clip attached to his paw. As I got a closer look, I saw a needle was protruding out of the clip and into his small, white paw. I bit my lip very hard, in my attempt to hold the tears back, but it didn’t work; they just kept coming. Crystal stood for a few minutes in silence; I followed her lead. I thought I’d be able to hug him, something, to hold him one last time. Before I knew it, Crystal nodded and said “okay” as if she were done. She began walking out, I followed slowly. Before I left, I turned around and stroked his paw gently, and whispered “I love you.” I walked out, and that was the last time I saw him.

The pain following that morning was incomprehensive. I missed my first day of high school, only to cry and scream the whole day. After I got home from the animal hospital, I laid on the couch, crying, and stayed there for the next six hours, until I finally got the strength to stand up and take a shower.
In the shower, I couldn’t feel the water or the soap or anything else I may have touched. While I stood there, shampooing my hair, I screamed and cried, because I knew it was the first time ever that I had taken a shower knowing Tobi would not be waiting in front of the door when I got out. I knew everything that was to come would be the first time, because I hadn’t ever done anything without Tobi in my life. The first time to sleep, or watch TV.
The rest of the day food never met my lips and I barely drank anything, even though my throat was dry and sour from all the crying. Later that night Crystal was talking to Dad on the phone and she told him what happened. She told me his voice broke and he almost started crying, but was able to hold it in until after he talked to me, knowing I had been crying non-stop for the past 15 hours.
Around 11:00 PM I went into my Dad’s room to sleep because he wasn’t there and I couldn’t even look at my room, let alone sleep in it, without crying. I let Cleo, my other puppy, sleep in there for the next few weeks. Cleo had tan fur, darker than Tobi’s, that was long and dirty. It fell about two inches past her stomach, growing lighter the farther down it went. She was only over one year old and even then, she knew exactly what had happened. I could see the thoughts resting in her large dark brown eyes, covered by strands of fur, the pain she must have felt inside.
In the early hours of the morning I sat in the large, king size bed and began writing in a new spiral I had gotten for school.

Memories
I can feel you in each room
Your presence stays deep within
All the memories we have shared
All the memories we cant begin

And captured in each picture
Is your face, staring back
Every page I turn in this book
Reality is all it lacks

There are so many things I wish to tell you
Like how much I love you, in every way
And that no matter I wont forget you
It's things like this, I'll never get to say

Like no other day
Today was a day I will not ever forget.
It's one of those days you look back at your whole life,
and think of all the little things you could have done differently.
It's one of those days that you know no matter what you changed,
the outcome would be the same.
Yes, it was one of those days.

One of those days that you can't ever stop thinking about,
but no matter how hard you try,
you can't talk about.
When time goes on,
and life continues,
but the pain inside never goes away.
It's one of those days.

I know we have all had one of these days.
I, myself, have had many.
But this one most definitely beats out all of the other days like today.
I think my day beats everyone else's day like today.
I could argue why it does,
but what difference would it really make?
I can't go back in time, and change
all the little things I could do differently that day.
My only option is to go on.
My only problem is, I don't want to.

I looked at the words, so true yet so belittling. It bothered me people would read the words, but never fully feel what I felt as I wrote them. Having finished all I could write for the moment I shut my spiral and tossed it at the end of the bed. I looked around the room, in its darkness and familiar state and felt nothing. Visions of what happened flashed before me, as if haunting me, following me wherever I turned and no matter what I did. Visions I knew would follow me forever. I laid on my side, tears wetting the pillow as I sobbed. Hours past. Morning came, and it was time to get ready for my first day of high school. I wasn’t nervous, just sad.
On the way to school, I started crying in moms car, and could have stayed home, but I knew that would only result in another long day of crying, so I made the hard decision to go through the day.

Eternal Black-Out

The Charmed Ones are having Black Outs at any given time. But when they try to confront Leo about it, hes too busy, doing something else that he refuses to tell them about. If Leo cant get past his secret, will the Charmed Ones end up with an eternal Black Out?


Phoebe threw open the door to P3 and stepped outside.

"What do you want to do tomorrow night, vanquish another demon, or go straight to killing Cole?"

Piper, who was walking a few feet behind her, next to Paige, groaned and rubbed her neck. But before Piper had the chance to comment, her cell phone rang.

"Hello? --- Yeah. --- That'd be great! --- Great. --- Alright, 7:30 tomorrow. ---Alright, bye."

Paige and Phoebe eyed her curiously as they crowded into Pipers jeep.

"That was T.a.T.u.'s manager, they are playing at the club tomorrow. They're coming at 7:30 to practice their preformance a bit."


"Aww, that's awesome! I think I'll make an appearance, I just love that song, um, "How soon is now?" from their CD. I hope they play it..."

Paige could have been talking to a brick wall for all she knew, because after she said that, Phoebe started talking about how hectic her job was lately, and Piper was back on the cell phone.

'-'-'-'
Paige had no idea how long she'd been asleep, but when she awoke, Piper and Phoebe were both gone, most likely at the club. She glanced at the clock, it was 7:45 already. She quickly hopped into the shower, and although she had intended to take a quick one, the hot water streaming down her back must have made the time pass much more quickley than is seemed, because when she got out, the clock read 10:00. T.a.T.u would start preforming now. Paige slipped on a black dress, with a V-neck that ran down to center of her chest. She wrapped a cute gold chocker around her neck and slid on some black high-healed shoes. She grabbed her black purse, then ran out the door.

'-'-'-'
When Paige arrived at P3, everyone was crowded in the parking lot outside. Piper was talking to Darryl, their detective friend. Paige ran to Phoebe.

"What-what the hell happened here?!"

Phoebe spun around to look at Paige. When Paige saw her, she noticed a large cut on the left side of Phoebes forehead.

"Uh, I dont really know. One second, that band was playing, then someone yelled "fire!", then the flames were practically surrounding us, and we just all rushed out of the club."

Paige had this look of horror and complete confusion on her face. She stared at Pheobe, and even though she had a million questions, she couldnt form them into words, and even if she could, she knew Phoebe didnt have the answers.

'-'-'-'
Piper layed, her head burried in her arms while she layed on her stomach, so angry she was almost in tears.

How could this have happened? Who would...and why...?

These thoughts were spreading like wildfire throughout the three Charmed Ones heads. But each question that popped into their head was left unanswered.
Piper had tried calling for Leo a few times tonight, but he never came. Until the early hours of the morning, she called for him, and still, he failed to come and comfort her.

Where could he be? He must sense I'm in pain. He must know Phoebe needs healing...He never fails to answer our calls...unless..No, thats not even possible, I know I've been a bit of a distraction to him lately, but they wouldnt.....they wouldnt ban him from seeing me again...would they?

'-'-'-'
Leo ran to the man and hugged him tightly, he smelled the mans hair and inhaled the scent. When Leo finally pulled away, he stared at this mans light blue eyes, and sandy blond hair. The man stared back at him, smiling widely.

"Leo, its been so long, I've missed you so much..."

This sandy-haired man said, still staring at Leo, in a smooth, yet hoarse voice.

"I know Lance, I've missed you so much also. It's just been so long.."

And with that, they took one last look at eachother, and hugged again. But this time, the hug ended short. Bursting into Leo's head came Phoebes voice, she seemed to be in a sort of panic. He whispered into Lance's ear and said he had to go, but that they'd have to meet again soon. And with that last word, he orbed out.

'-'-'-'

"Phoebe, what is is?"

Leo spat out all too quickley, as if it was such a hassel for him to have to orb all the way to the manor.

Phoebe eyed him angrily and pointed unpatiently at the blood spilling out of her forehead. Leo looked at it, then rushed to her, placed one hand hovering over her head, and with a light glow, the cut healed.

"Phoebe, what happened?"

Leo slowly asked, almost in embarassment that he had made it seem like he was far too busy to have to come and see what she wanted.

Ignoring his question, Phoebe eyed his cautiously.

"Where in hell have you been?!"

He dodged the question in every way he could think of. He wasnt quite sure why he was so nervous to tell her the truth. At her 9th time of asking where he had been, he finally decided he needed to give her some type of explination, it was only fair.

"Phoebe, I'm sorry, for the 10th time, I'll say, I'm really sorry. I was out, helping a charge. She had just gotten done battling a demon, and she needed serious healing. Then I had to go up and talk with the Elders about that fire that happened at the Club. I figured you guys would assume it was supernatural and have me go up and ask them anyway. They told me to have you guys look for scorch marks, and then get back to them. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go see how my wife is doing."

After finishing his comment, he realized how rude it was, and immediately wished he hadn't said it. He made Phoebe think he didn't care about her at all.

'-'-'-'
"Well, I was standing behind the counter, serving drinks...Phoebe was sitting at the counter, trying to call Paige because the band had already started playing...Um, the next thing I know, the club is engulfed in flames, and we were all rushing out of the club...I was trying to grab some things, so Phoebe came back, grabbed my arm, and pulled me out. But people were running ,"

As Piper explained, she paused after these last words, as if ashamed of what happened next.

"...then the crowd ended up knocking Phoebe over, she was on the floor, being trampled. I guess somewhere in there she got that cut on her head..I tried to freeze the club, but I guess my emotions got the best of me, because it didnt work. So, I got on my knees and grabbed Phoebes arm. But she was kicked away from me..I got trampled, and then, somehow, we ended up outside in the parking lot."

When she finished, Leo seemed a bit surprised, but all he did was nod, then stand up from sitting next to her on her bed. He leaned down, and kissed her lightly on her forehead. She looked up at him, a slight grin on her face, as if signaling she wanted to be with him. He shook his head slowly.

"Piper, hunnie, I gotta' go. I'll come back latey today, you need some sleep."

And before she could object, he orbed out, leaving her with a chill in her spine, a thought in her head, and a pain in her heart, all telling her something wasn't right.