Why there are Stars In The Sky

Young Rupert and his two cousins, Giles and Elroy, were sitting outside on the balcony of an apartment building in France when a curiosity concerning shining dots in the sky arose among them. Rupert, being the youngest at the age of three, and Giles and Elroy being twins at the age of four, all had bright red hair, pale skin, and brilliant green eyes. Rupert ran up inside the apartment building, up to his babysitter, and asked quietly “Amelie, what are those shining dots een thee sky? And why do they only come out at night?”

Amelie sat Rupert, Giles and Elroy down and began to tell them the reason why there are shining dots in the sky and where they came from. The three boys sat in a circle as she began the story. They each sat cross legged and listened intently to each word she said, as if each word gave new meaning to their curiosities.

“Well, eet’ is a goot’ story and I am most pleased to be the one to tell you. Y’see, there wonce was a time when there were no stars een thee sky and een that time, thee world twas very dark. I don’t mean dark like eet was bad, but eet really was dark, with no light after the sun was done setting, y’know. In that time, eet was all about Love. Love one another, love yourself, and love your neighbor – just as the gracious Lord commanded us to do. Love was the dominant expression of everyone. Now, there was a man named Jacques, and he was extremely een love with a young girl named Celine. She was one of thee most beautiful woman een all the world and nearly every man who even saw her was eemmediately een love with her. This fact made Jacques extremely jealous. He was often thrown eento fits of rage and punished for his ‘wrongdoings’ by thee french government.

Evechooally, Jacques and Celine were engaged to be married and before Jacques would set thee date for the ceremony, he ‘ad to fineesh cutting some loose ends. One night, when eet was very dark and he had only the light of the streetlamps, he went very, very far eento a forest and kneeled down before a tree. H-why he did thees, no one is sure. But Jacques began to pray very seriously to God, asking Him to punish every man who lusted after his fiancé.

For nearly an entire year, Jacques believed that God ‘ad not answered his prayer so they still did not wed. Every night, he bowed down een his ‘ome and prayed to God and asked for a more extreme puneeshment on thee men. Eet started with his fiancé yelling at them een private – then een public. Soon, eet escalated eento them being put eento jail for their lustiful acts. Remember though, that back then they could be put een jail for a mere kiss upon a females lips that belonged to somebody else. Back then, there were morals beyond anyt’ing we ‘ave now; there were set standards for what twas okay and what twas not.

Celine and Jacques were evechooally married. The ceremony was wonderful and they lived very ‘appily for a long time. About three years later, men still lusted after Celine and still, Jacques was thrown eento ‘orrible fits of rage. There was a time somewhere een those three years that he didn’t pray to God because he felt his prayer had been answered, but when he noticed eet ‘appening again, he went to the forest for the second time and bowed down before a tall tree. He asked very seriously for the Holy Spirit to come eento heem and take away hees rage but the enemy, the devil, he sent three of hees most devious demons to sway poor Jacques mind.

After that, he stopped praying to God completely and he made a ruthless deal with thee devil. He did not talk to Celine about any of thees and he acted rashly, een rage. He said to the devil, “I want you to banish the men who look at my wife – no, not only mu wife but any woman – in a sinful lust. I want you to banish them somewhere very far where they can’t even look at woman anymore.”

The devil listened, but twisted hees motives and offered a proposition. The devil said to heem, “I will make you a deal, you poor miserable man. I will banish every lustful man to the sky, to sit for nearly an entire lifetime if you give me something in return.”

Jacques thought long and ‘ard about thees, and found he ‘ad trouble thinking of a fair exchange, so he asked thee devil to think of one for him. The devil, so deceiving een hees ways, phrased hees proposition so cunningly that Jacques fell for eet. The devil said, ‘I will banish them into the sky, to look down on the world, at every woman who is so beautiful to them, but they will not be able to talk to her or touch her or do anything he wants with her. For the rest of every woman’s lifetime that the men lust after, they will add on to the amount of years they must linger in the sky. In exchange for this very reasonable proposition, I only want you to join me in my Kingdom when you die. You will get to spend the rest of your life with the girl you love, and then you can join me. What do you say?’

Jacques, too excited to finally be getting his way, agreed eemeedeeately. He did not take any time to consider who he was making this deal with. The deed was done, and from that moment forward, every man who looked at a woman een lust was banished to thee sky. When Celine found out what he had done, she was thrown into an outrage and gave him an ultimatum. She said to him, “Jacques, how dare you not consult me before acting so rashly on this, y'know? I need you to choose now, will it be me or the devil? I want to spend eternity in Heaven in a blissful communion with my Lord, and now you will spend eternity in ‘ell away from me and from your God. You made a mistake Jacques, but this is your choice: cancel your deal with the devil and spend eternity with me and your God in ‘appiness, or join him, the ultimate deceiver, in the eternal torturing of men, what will it be?’

Jacques was confused; he did not know what to do. Had he considered all thees before he agreed, he would not be in thees situation. For the third time, Jacques went deep eento the forest and kneeled before a tall tree and he prayed – but this time he was calling upon thee devil. He wanted to take back the deal they had made ut the devil did not answer. It was too late and he could not change the deal he had made.

So, because of Jacques extreme jealousy, all men who lust after any female will be banished eento the sky to look down upon the world. They glow in the night so they will always be able to see the woman, but never touch them or talk to them. And eet was Jacques fault because he gave eento the devils trap and he was too impatient to wait for God to give him the right way of going about eet. And that, young Rupert, is what those shining dots in thee sky are – they are sinful men paying their dues for their lives.

How to Pray "Correctly"

There is many times where people feel the need to pray. When someone dies, when they don’t know what to do, or even when they want to ‘grow closer to God’. But I have found many times where I, or someone I was with, wasn’t comfortable praying aloud. There is an unacknowledged fear that follows the mere thought of praying out loud – and I am here to acknowledge it. I acknowledge the fact that everyone prays differently and I want to embrace it.
If it’s your first time, it is key that you close your eyes and breathe deeply for a few moments. This is necessary because your heart is racing and you’re already beginning to plan out the exact words you are going to say. Don’t. Don’t worry about using “deep” words and, for whatever reason, trying to prove yourself worthy to the rest of the group that you’re praying with. You don’t have to justify yourself to them or anyone else. And if, at the end, they do judge you by how you prayed – then just brush it off because their opinion means nothing to you.

Now that you’ve taken your deep, cleansing breath you can prepare for the praying. BUT that does not mean you can begin planning words because the point of prayer is to have it come from the heart; not to sound like a monotone recording. Wait for a moment of silence where your prayer will be much welcomed through the pause but do not wait too long because soon enough, someone will decide to close the prayer. “Christians” are impatient like that. I love how people generalize all Christians in one grouping.

Anyway, now is the time to shut up. I know, this is also where you want to begin to talk but this is when you need to make your mind shut-up – Stop thinking about what to say. When you’re ready to start, don’t worry about how to address God. Say whatever your comfortable with: “Father God,” “Heavenly Father,” “Dear God,” or even “Yo Lord.” Just say it in a way that you are comfortable. I find a lot of times when I start to pray I forget everything I was going to say. When that happens, and it will, you can say “Please bless us all, and “thank you for allowing us to be here.” Basically you can say anything generic that you’ve heard a hundred times before because all you’re doing is filling the gap so you can regain your composure. Once your composure is regained, you can begin to pray for the things you initially wanted to.

Most times people pray for current world issues loved ones health problems, or money issues. Those are all really great things to pray about but I can tell you what will be the real kicker. Pray about something you’re going through. Make a confession. Confessions within a prayer group will make everyone look up to you as you humble yourself and what not. (Because as we all know “all Christians just want to be praised.”) But really now, confessions are a great thing to do because a lot of times it gives others the courage to admit things they otherwise wouldn’t have mentioned. It can strengthen accountability, fellowship, and a bunch of other Christian-ese terms that probably mean nothing to you.

DO NOT take that last tip the wrong way. I am, by no means, telling you to confess your sins to a person because that is clearly a ridiculous concept. For how can another human being, equally sinful as you, help in any way but by giving you advice that they think will help – even though they also did not take the time to pray about it.

Another way you can get people to look up to you through how you pray - because we know that the only reason people REALLY pray is to get others to look up to us- is by praying while quoting the bible. If your motive is to gain respect from the group then I suggest steer clear of John 3:16 and Proverbs 3:5-6 because every Christian knows both verses by heart and will not be impressed by your bible biceps; cute Christian-ese term for Scripture Memory. Otherwise, choose a verse that really fits what you’re praying for. If you’re praying about money, don’t throw in some genesis 1-let there by light stuff. Rather, throw in a verse that’s relevant to what you’re praying about. For example, if you’re praying about a hard situation – like a loved one died- maybe mix in a little James 1:12 and see where that gets you.

If you never regained your composure from the very beginning, you’re a helpless case. All you can do is end the prayer. If you’re so stuck that you can’t even think of a way to end it, I’ll help you out, just say: “Thank you Lord, Amen.” And if you remember anything at all, then remember this: there is no correct way to pray.

He Hit me [an unreliable narrator]

I turned the ignition off in the car and slowly stepped out of the vehicle, still a bit shaken up. My head was pounding furiously, and my heart was beating so loud I could hear it over the sirens. As the police cars got closer and closer, the ringing in my ears grew louder and louder and my frustration mounted to a new level. The police officer crossed over the last few parking lines that separated us until he was standing only a few feet in front of me.

“Excuse me Madame’, can I see your license and insurance information please,” the police man asked me, very abruptly I might add. I looked to him, wide eyed, then moved to my car and reached into the glove compartment for my insurance information. I flashed the license out and showed it to him quickly, then handed him my insurance information. Either nervously or angrily, I anxiously tapped my license in the palm of me hand. The tapping against my palm matched the pounding in my head and somehow it seemed to lessen the degree of intensity.

“You listen, and you listen good young man. That man over there intentionally hit my car! You make sure he pays! I refuse to pay for something I had no control over,” I told him as calmly as my mouth would allow. There was a long pause. “Are you listening to me?! That man intentionally hit me!”

“Madame, I am going to need you to calm down,” he said. He continued, “The reason I am here is to get the information…” He paused, and then added, “The correct information. Now, tell me calmly, and slowly what exactly happened here.”

I took my insurance information back after he finished copying it down, and then began to tell him exactly what happened. “You see young man, I was driving down Manchester road right here, and along come this hoodlum and he rammed straight into me! Please young man, just get his insurance information and tell me with how he is going to pay for the damages to my car. I need to get home. ”

The young officer looked at me, as if exhausted from my account of the situation, but he regained his composure quickly and said, “I understand that Madame. Now, can you tell me, were you in any sort of rush? Because, you’re telling me now that you need to get home and to me, that implies you may have been rushing.”
“No sir, he was the one rushing!”

“May I ask then, why do you need to get home now?”

Before I could answer, a paramedic came straight up to me and began padding my forehead with a damp cloth. Naturally, I pushed this mans hands away from me. “Excuse me sir, can I help you,” I asked, growing a little impatient. My head was already pounding and the pressure he applied did not help in the least.

“I’m sorry Miss, but you have a cut on your head and it’s my job to clean it up. I also am required to offer to take you in for examining, in case of concussion,” the middle-aged paramedic told me gently.

“I see… Well, you give me one more moment to clear my name with this young officer here and I’ll be right there to deal with you in a minute,” and I turned to the police officer again. “As you heard, they need me to go with them, so you can call me by phone. Thank you for your consistency, I just ask you get the story right here. I know exactly what happened, and that is he hit me. That is all there is to it. Good day.”

“Excuse me? Do you mean, cooperation, rather than consistency?”

“Yes, cooperation, that’s what I said! Good day.”

The officer nodded, bent his cap down toward me, and said, “Good day Miss, I will do my best to sort this out.”

I walked over to the paramedic’s vehicle and took a seat in the rear end of it. They laid me down on a cushioned table and asked me a lot of silly questions. For example, questions like: “How many fingers am I holding up?” and “Does this hurt,” as he jabbed his palm onto the side of my head. I objected to the pressure he was applying, but he insisted that he didn’t impress much and that I may have had a concussion. When he said that, I sat up on the table and looked straight at him. “I need to get home, if you’ll excuse me. Just do me a favor and tell that officer one last time that I did not hit that mans car and that he hit mine. Thank you, good evening.”

I stood up and stepped down from the van. As I was walking across the parking lot, I suppose I tripped over something and hit my head because that is the last thing I remember of that night. The next memory I have is of lying in a hospital bed with a bandage wrapped around my head. The clip board at the end of the bed read: ‘Concussion.’